The thing with me and my cancer is that I never thought that I could die…that this was it. Even after being diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma, it never even fazed me.
I guess I’ve always been a positive person. I like to laugh my way through uncomfortable situations, even through awkward ones. I preferred people not to know I had cancer. I never wanted people to feel for me or feel sorry for what I was going through. Probably because I just needed to get through it and getting my independence back is a huge deal to me.
My confidence was completely crushed when I lost my hair. As superficial as it is to some, losing all of it, including my eyebrows and eyelashes, was devastating. All of my femininity or what I could relate to being feminine was taken away. It became hard to look in the mirror. That in itself changed how I looked at the world, at myself and no one can change how you feel about it or the situation. It’s all in how you look at it.
Finding other things to do instead of styling my hair was a challenge. I wanted to fill that time accomplishing things that I wanted to do, but never got around to. And just try to enjoy every minute. Instead of dwelling on the negative things about my appearance, I wanted to find beauty in the world and everything around me and really appreciate it instead of being as self absorbed as I had been.
I love to create art and art projects. I love to dream and daydream and create things that are beautiful that reflect the mood I was in during that time. We can only be ourselves and it is our opinion of ourselves that we must face in the end. Being told what to expect or how to feel won’t change the reality of what occurs.
I question everything. To go on about my cancer experience would be pointless, it’s all bullshit anyways. I don’t like to dwell too much on what was or what could have been. I’d rather focus on how I can make my life more comfortable and better suited to my needs now.
I had cancer.
I beat the shit out of cancer.
And now I am moving on with the rest of my life. Whatever that may be. Adventure or mission, the choice is mine. So far, I’m choosing to be as happy as I can be. Sorry cancer, you lose.
Alexis Bondesen
I love you Alexis…
Rest in peace beautiful angel
I miss your hard ass attitude.
Beautiful girl inside and out was Alexis. I hear your laughter in my head and picture you as that happy positive young woma who really lived your life. ❤️ My brows carry your handicapped always. ❤️
You were a beautiful young lady and you seemed very happy and positive,you were so strong ?❤️May you Rest In Peace ❤️Beautiful Angel
I will always carry a little piece of you with me as I look at my paddle you helped create. It is truly amazing how such extra ordinary people come into our lives during our cancer journey. Thank you for being a part of mine. Til we meet again.
That was a very truthful, honest and candid account of yourself and your thoughts. However, in the 15 years I knew you, I can safely say you were never superficial, you were always happy/smiling, positive/upbeat and yes you did beat the shit out of cancer…twice! You lived life to the fullest and any time we were together it was guaranteed that there would never be a dull moment. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met in my entire life, both inside and out. It has been a pleasure and an honour to be your friend and I will miss you more than words can ever express. You were, still are and always will be extremely loved and forever missed. Rest easy pretty lady. You’re in excellent hands now. ⚘
I loved your beautiful smile, you were a courageous girl, RIP Alexis
Alexis was not only an amazing person but was like a burst of sunshine on a gloomy day. Each time I met her whenever she came to pick up messages left by her counselor I am not only wowed by her beauty but also her pleasant personality. We were just acquaintances but I have this to testify of her, she was truly beautiful inside out and we are blessed to have shared some moments in her life here on earth. Her memory will remain an inspiration for me.
amazing reflections of one amazing young lady. Wish i could have met her, but from knowing both parents, i can see where she got her spirit, her spunk, and her love for living. RIP Alexis xo